TASE > NEWS > AWARDS > PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS 2000

Adam is announced as the winner of his two awards, he goes up on stage and kisses Charlize Theron, who announced his awards. Massive applause. "Thank you, thank you, thanks a lot, thank you. (waiting for applause to die down a little)

I, uh, I appreciate it. Thank you for taking time out of your life and voting for me and stuff like that, it's very nice of you. I thank you. I, uh, wrote a speech; a lot of people; I don't do too many interviews and stuff like that so no one really knows who I am so I figured I would write a little speech about myself so you get to know me a little better. (begins to read from his yellow legal-pad paper)

Hello, my name is Adam Sandler. I am 6 feet 7 inches tall. I weigh 123 pounds, and I am a Virgo. My turn-ons are people who are nice to me. My turn-offs are people who would like to see me killed. Born in Brooklyn, NY, the young me got his start in show biz at the ripe old age of six, when I wrote and directed the cinematic classic, The Godfather. But due to the fact my parents thought I was attending grade school during the making of the film, I was forced to give the credit away to some heavyset man named Francis for fear of getting grounded and losing my Coleco-Vision priviledges.

Moving on to high school, my natural intelligence and impeccable study habits led me to be named the coveted class valeditorian. I was then awarded a full track and field scholarship to the posh and prestigious Stanford University, where I proceeded to set world records in the triple-jump and the javelin throw.

(the orchestra starts playing at this point to try and make him stop, he puts up his hand toward the orchestra with his index finger up as if to say hold on a second) After college graduation at the urging of family, friends and several physicians, I was admitted to the New Hampshire Mental Institute for Pathological Liars.

(the orchestra is playing louder, Adam's hand goes up to them again, and he grumbles "How Dare You! I must continue!") (reading again) Sexually I have made love to over six thousand women! (the orchestra drummer does his final downbeat into the commercial...will we ever know how it ends???)

This was a complete shame that they cut Adam's speech short. I hope that the People's Choice Awards will die! Others who were on camera later said nice things for Adam though: Don Johnson said at one point that he had the rest of Adam's speech in his pocket and he would be happy to read it (the audience cheered); Harrison Ford said that, for the record, he had made love to the two women Adam had not been with (the audience cheered); and Julia Roberts said it was horrible that they cut Adam off (as they were cutting her off too!) And at one point I think it was Army Archerd said something about brevity being a virtue, but no one really cheered him for it.